Further Dalliances...

Well I promised someone there'd be something here to read when they got back...so I think this time we're going to reverse the mirror as it were.

I know for me it's quite common to ask, every few steps of the way, questions meant to make the subject stop and examine the situation. Examine what's happening to them and their feelings on it. I think it's fairly common for every hypnotist and every subject. They go something like, "How do you feel about this?" "What are you feeling?" "Describe what you feel..." so on and so forth. I know they can become tiresome, and I know it can be silly to hear them so often, but it actually shows the hypnotist's constant awareness of the subject's feelings, mindset, and (hopefully) shifting mindset. When I myself am the subject, I notice that the hypnotists who ask that a lot, though somewhat comical after the fifth time in fifteen minutes, are actually the much better trances. The person conducting the trance is slowly dissecting your responses--taking apart what works, what doesn't, how strongly it works, why this works versus the last thing that didn't work as much--and problem solving their way through to overcome the natural hurtles in the human mind and blaze the trail for that, and future enjoyable experiences.

((Here's where the educational stuff starts...I can't help but feel a need to be somewhat educational in the how's and why's. It's who I am, and it's my blog dammit. But, if you're less interested in how and why I do what I do with training my subjects, move on until the end brackets))

But more than that, it's often a time that a subject gets the chance to process what's happening. What's changing. And more than that, actually notice what they feel associated with that event. Strong changes in personality can be initially terrifying (humanity is naturally neophobic--we fear the new and change instinctively), so much so that they don't notice things that are actually positive reactions to the event. Sometimes it's necessary to 'scare' the subject and then after the moment has passed let them realize they've become incredibly worked up remembering the event, and they can't wait to try again. However it's usually much more helpful and healthy that in the moment, while the person is out, to let them acclimate...realize that yes, it's new and scary in a way, but you enjoy that. You want that. You're crazy enough that, despite the fact it's very new, it's very exciting and you're eager to see where it will go despite the scariness. 

Holding a subject in the moment and making them experience it fully, from beginning to end, has proven to be the better path for me...it forces the subject to learn trust. Not to run every time something that pushes their preconceived boundaries, but to trust that I have their best interests in mind, and that I'll make sure that everything's fine from beginning to end and just to cling to me until the fear vanishes in trade for the pleasure they know I'm endeavoring to bring to us both.

((Look! The end of the educational portion! For now anyway))

All of that is to say, periodic pauses and reflections are important for growth together. This is also true for Hypnodommes. And it's been brought to my attention that in a hectic life with a hectic schedule, I haven't had a chance to reflect on my own feelings about a lot of what I do, how I do it, and why I do it.  That's a lot of drawn out, ongoing stuff to do, but for a brief overview...just to reflect what I have found out about myself...

When I get a subject, I usually spend inordinate amounts of time exploring their fantasies. Learning from them, as I hope they learn from me. My puppet's allowed me to explore many of my own...more recently, you can see this in a post on my puppet's blog where I've found and been exploring a love of objectification.... It's something I don't think I was ever prepared to admit to myself I enjoyed the idea of. There's something just about the concept that says that you care less about a person. That they somehow don't mean as much to the person who is objectifying them. That has always bothered me...but I must admit it appealed to me more secretly. 

I suppose we'll just examine that one for this post.... Objectification, for me, is clarifying more into a kind of deeper ownership. A deeper kind of ownership and trust than between two 'people'. More, it becomes with one person you simply 'are'.  I'm trying to explain it...I'm still wrapping my mind around it. Not what it is, but how it is, and yet still is alright somehow with my moral makeup.

I suppose I'll put this way.... With my puppet it's an assumption. That if I want it, it will be. Arguments are more cursory appeals, but in the end if I wish it, it is. And what's more, it can be made to be a foregone conclusion, all the way back to the deepest part of my puppet's memory to remove any inkling of questioning now or ever again. And that's my right. Because my puppet is just that. Mine.

To put it in a story setting...it is deep conditioning to the point that a person becomes simply an extension of another's will. You could say a monk to the will of the monastery for example. An unquestioning, loyal tool. Their own will or thoughts on the matter are superseded by an understanding that they will do what is expected of them. Wholly and full heartedly. And any hesitation on their part they would freely admit to the one giving the commands to be corrected. Because they truly believe it's the right thing to do. It's their place. Their lot. And what they sincerely want to be.

Control that deep is quite exciting...and quite real. Honestly that's how morals and social laws come into existence. To take this very natural thing trained into us from birth, and then use that in an intimate setting.... And it is objectification. In the fact that the person is thereby making themselves just an object. A set of hands set to work the will of another, and eagerly so with great hope to be as useful as possible, in any small or large task. And a set of hands has no say what work will be done or how. They simply fulfill it. There's something both wicked, and gentle in that...and I'm nothing if not a compilation of contradictions. To twist a mind that deeply...to easily turn someone's mind in on themselves that way, slowly deepening that control of their own will. Their own need to do so. 

Another example would be something of an automaton. A robot, following set instructions, and only set instructions. That their beginning and end comes from only one source. And that's all the reason needed. There are no thoughts, and the moment begins and ends in the words and eyes of the controller. I've seen that come in brief instances into the eyes of one or two subjects...and I can imagine what it would look like longer term. Minutes. Hours. Days... 

There's also, as said, something wicked about it that's always made something in me hesitate. Fortunately for me (and possibly unfortunately for my puppet) I've found someone demented enough to find that wickedness as squirm-worthy as I do that I can explore it further....

I have a dark side. I know that quite well. If I just threw my hesitations to the wind, I would be a likely wicked, wicked woman, breaking minds left and right rather than gently sheltering and trying to help them grow in their own way. I'm still discovering some of this...and I doubt I'll ever discover the full extent of how far that could go first hand, in actual, unless the sub and I were very intimately tied long term. But who knows...my puppet seems determined to tease the beast out of the well meaning protector. We may find out how deep that streak runs. The idea of having that kind of devout, devoted follower and object seems.... 

Well...you either understand, or you don't.

****

MC Stories that mirror some of this topic:

Legacy by trilby_else

Sleeper by trilby_else

Undertow by 8bit

If anyone else has references of similar stories or stories they believe also touch upon parts of this idea, please comment with them! I'd love a compare

"The Best Kind of Trouble"

Since this will be the first word up about me, I suppose it should be more or less introductory. But since the main purpose of this blog is for those who already know me, and who are very likely already under my playful (usually...) spell, its going to be more introductory in the way of how I ended up here. There will be more later actually discussing what I'm doing, how I'm doing it, those various things. Perhaps answering any specific post requests a pet might have for me...but for now, this is as good a place to start as any.

I'm not at all the typical Domme, from what I find. Most I've met start in BDSM and branch out into new methods to keep control interesting and deepen it, eventually finding things like hypnosis. I became a Domme organically, from a very sheltered background, having no name for the thing I was feeling and doing. BDSM was a collection of letters that was bandied about playfully by school kids, and was never really explained further to me. However hypnosis.... Hypnosis seems to be something I was practically born into.

I've been a writer for nearly as long as I can remember. And one of the first stories I wrote, somewhere around age six or seven, actually involved a mind controller. I don't know if I'd seen any cartoons at this point about mind control or not. I tend to think not, and that it wasn't until later that I did. But the girl (of course) mind controller, was the hero (ah the uncorrupted creativity of children, before mass media force your world view of what is and isn't) who did all sorts of daring do that fail me this many years later. I have no way of explaining this and it's of great interest and curiosity to me how this idea ever came about to me, because at the time I thought it incredible wit and hadn't heard of it in any book, or seen it on any show that I recall looking back. It just seemed to come to me quite naturally.

 Later, I believe it was something like Woody Woodpecker that showed the first example of hypnosis I'd ever seen as a young and impressionable (I'd LOVE to find that episode again...). It of course displayed the hypnotist in this giant stove pipe hat, black everything, Snidely Whiplash mustache, and a swinging pocket-watch, laughing maniacally. And there was set the more classical view of what a hypnotist was and should be, at perhaps age eight. I was automatically fascinated with it, and began asking far too many questions than was comfortable to a mother of a young child. I quickly got the impression that such things were not acceptable to be spoken of. That didn't stop me from seeking though.

I imagine that what I went through was something like young boys go through developing a penchant to seek out porn. Being an avid reader, I was often at the library. And once I could work the card catalogue system myself, or the computer system later on, I would do periodic searches with a burning red face and constantly watchful and paranoid eyes, for keywords brainwashing, conditioning, hypnosis...that sort of thing. Sometimes I wouldn't have the courage to look beyond that (always terribly disappointed at the lack of good or plentiful sources), and then would scurry home with the terrible sense in the pit of my stomach someone would somehow know what I'd looked up, and tell my parents what 'evil' their daughter was getting into. I had no idea why I had such a fascination, or what compulsively kept leading my mind in those directions, and was sure I must be a sick and terrible person to be looking up such things.... My information being so limited, and being just a child (and the sort of things one would pull up in a typical library searching those words at random), everything only seemed to confirm that surely I must be crazy to be interested in such things which only pulled up stories with moments of depravity or 'evil' when my searched words finally showed themselves in the story's fabric. And when it's all you have to go on...

This went on for years. Any book or movie with a snippet or moment of brainwashing, trance, conditioned responses, cartoons with mind control or forced perspective reversal and betrayal...these were my guilty pleasures that I followed open mouthed and hungry for more. I found a love of comics for the many magical or 'scientific' (in the sci-fi way) explanations to allow for characters with mind controlling powers. Hell, I found myself becoming increasingly irritated with the heros for stopping the plot JUST when it was getting good. I found myself wishing that the heros would, just once, lose and lose good. Never come out of that stupified state. The forced double agent would betray and destroy the entire team/force/group/whathaveyou and the whole lot of them be a monotone, stare-into-space troupe of smiling, absent drones. This confused me endlessly, but I put it off with excuses of being simply more interesting for having at least a less predictable ending.... (It's amazing how we can fool ourselves isn't it?)

Such themes became more and more prevalent in my writing. More and more, the entire plot, every story, every new arc, would depend on some form of mind control or forced conversion or surprising plot twist (that I somehow failed to notice was less surprising every time...) of one character or another being an evil mind controller/in the thrall of an evil mind controller/working for an evil mind controller/somehow something of some flavor of mind control somewhere. The methods were always new. The reasons were always new. The explanations and the situations, always trying to reinvent the same thing. But, again in hindsight, all of it was always this expressed frustrated fascination that I simply couldn't explain. This spanned from the time I'd written that first story to the advent of a more readily available source of information--our ever so lovely interwebs. 

It was like a library catalogue card system that never ended. And, that I knew very well who was looking, and how my tracks could be hidden (paranoia being ever strong in the guilty mind), made me actually much more bold. I began research anew, and with far more success than I'd ever had before. Information was out there, and with constant re-looking and reassessing, cross referencing, and evaluating, I managed to put together a basic of what hypnosis was and was not. Finding science in the 'mystic' of it all, actually took a lot of the darkness out of the villain character that had been painted in my mind as the face to represent this taboo topic. Being curious by nature, and scientific by nature, I did the only thing someone with those two characteristics can be lead to do.  I began tinkering and teaching myself--obviously for the betterment of my writing...of course...

Now I'll say this...if you put out posts online saying 'New hypnotist teaching themselves' and 'looking for brains to crack open', you'll be surprised the number of people that will respond. You'll also find most of them will try to play coy... But most of them are there for what I now know I myself am interested in. At the time though, it allowed me many different kinds of minds to play with. 

I seemed to have a knack for it.... Either from the seriousness with which I took my personal studies or something else, I seemed to be fairly talented (or very lucky on getting very talented subjects early on), and soon had far too much access to too many heads for a still unadmitting, frustrated mind controller. I won't go into details here...but I will say that when starting out, and with no real guidance...its easy to let power go to your head. I did some things that I'm not proud of in retrospect. But in this, organically, naturally, I found that I was enjoying manipulating someone's waking events without their knowledge. (I found that they also enjoyed it in a very physical way while they were out, but had no knowledge themselves of it once awake again, through no suggestion of my own and were probably in strong denial themselves as I was).

I began Dominating. Later, I found those who were more open and aware of their enjoyment of what I was doing, and I began playing without ever having a name for any of the things I tried--namely (again looking back), puppy training, objectification, teasing and denial, conditioning to associate pleasure and obedience, conditioning to associate hypnosis with pleasure, conditioning to remove memory, to remove thoughts of questioning, and memory manipulation. It wasn't until I think a year and a half into my self exploration that finally a subject began explaining to me about what a Dominatrix was (while on their knees, between puppy barks). Working backwards, I began teaching myself the BDSM side of it all, trying to expand upon my base in hypnosis.... I am and always will be a Hypnodomme at heart...and looking into BDSM, though I've found several things I enjoy greatly, I really don't see how Domination and submission can be TRUE power exchange without hypnosis. It all begins to look and sound like role playing to me....

But then again, I know very well I'm anything BUT normal, and it wouldn't be the first time someone would disagree with me on that. It just means I haven't had enough time alone with them.... *smirk*

This may be an abrupt ending, and there may be further questions at some point...ask away if that's the case, but it's damned Cinco de Mayo, and I'm having some tequila! (To which I promised myself I'd end this post before I started having...to save an embarrassing spelling escapade). I may embellish this later...but this will work for now. My Puppet is waiting for me patiently, and I want to get some fun under my belt before it gets much later....

*smile* I hope this has been funucational...naughtier and probably more interesting posts to come soon. Promise!