"The Best Kind of Trouble"

Since this will be the first word up about me, I suppose it should be more or less introductory. But since the main purpose of this blog is for those who already know me, and who are very likely already under my playful (usually...) spell, its going to be more introductory in the way of how I ended up here. There will be more later actually discussing what I'm doing, how I'm doing it, those various things. Perhaps answering any specific post requests a pet might have for me...but for now, this is as good a place to start as any.

I'm not at all the typical Domme, from what I find. Most I've met start in BDSM and branch out into new methods to keep control interesting and deepen it, eventually finding things like hypnosis. I became a Domme organically, from a very sheltered background, having no name for the thing I was feeling and doing. BDSM was a collection of letters that was bandied about playfully by school kids, and was never really explained further to me. However hypnosis.... Hypnosis seems to be something I was practically born into.

I've been a writer for nearly as long as I can remember. And one of the first stories I wrote, somewhere around age six or seven, actually involved a mind controller. I don't know if I'd seen any cartoons at this point about mind control or not. I tend to think not, and that it wasn't until later that I did. But the girl (of course) mind controller, was the hero (ah the uncorrupted creativity of children, before mass media force your world view of what is and isn't) who did all sorts of daring do that fail me this many years later. I have no way of explaining this and it's of great interest and curiosity to me how this idea ever came about to me, because at the time I thought it incredible wit and hadn't heard of it in any book, or seen it on any show that I recall looking back. It just seemed to come to me quite naturally.

 Later, I believe it was something like Woody Woodpecker that showed the first example of hypnosis I'd ever seen as a young and impressionable (I'd LOVE to find that episode again...). It of course displayed the hypnotist in this giant stove pipe hat, black everything, Snidely Whiplash mustache, and a swinging pocket-watch, laughing maniacally. And there was set the more classical view of what a hypnotist was and should be, at perhaps age eight. I was automatically fascinated with it, and began asking far too many questions than was comfortable to a mother of a young child. I quickly got the impression that such things were not acceptable to be spoken of. That didn't stop me from seeking though.

I imagine that what I went through was something like young boys go through developing a penchant to seek out porn. Being an avid reader, I was often at the library. And once I could work the card catalogue system myself, or the computer system later on, I would do periodic searches with a burning red face and constantly watchful and paranoid eyes, for keywords brainwashing, conditioning, hypnosis...that sort of thing. Sometimes I wouldn't have the courage to look beyond that (always terribly disappointed at the lack of good or plentiful sources), and then would scurry home with the terrible sense in the pit of my stomach someone would somehow know what I'd looked up, and tell my parents what 'evil' their daughter was getting into. I had no idea why I had such a fascination, or what compulsively kept leading my mind in those directions, and was sure I must be a sick and terrible person to be looking up such things.... My information being so limited, and being just a child (and the sort of things one would pull up in a typical library searching those words at random), everything only seemed to confirm that surely I must be crazy to be interested in such things which only pulled up stories with moments of depravity or 'evil' when my searched words finally showed themselves in the story's fabric. And when it's all you have to go on...

This went on for years. Any book or movie with a snippet or moment of brainwashing, trance, conditioned responses, cartoons with mind control or forced perspective reversal and betrayal...these were my guilty pleasures that I followed open mouthed and hungry for more. I found a love of comics for the many magical or 'scientific' (in the sci-fi way) explanations to allow for characters with mind controlling powers. Hell, I found myself becoming increasingly irritated with the heros for stopping the plot JUST when it was getting good. I found myself wishing that the heros would, just once, lose and lose good. Never come out of that stupified state. The forced double agent would betray and destroy the entire team/force/group/whathaveyou and the whole lot of them be a monotone, stare-into-space troupe of smiling, absent drones. This confused me endlessly, but I put it off with excuses of being simply more interesting for having at least a less predictable ending.... (It's amazing how we can fool ourselves isn't it?)

Such themes became more and more prevalent in my writing. More and more, the entire plot, every story, every new arc, would depend on some form of mind control or forced conversion or surprising plot twist (that I somehow failed to notice was less surprising every time...) of one character or another being an evil mind controller/in the thrall of an evil mind controller/working for an evil mind controller/somehow something of some flavor of mind control somewhere. The methods were always new. The reasons were always new. The explanations and the situations, always trying to reinvent the same thing. But, again in hindsight, all of it was always this expressed frustrated fascination that I simply couldn't explain. This spanned from the time I'd written that first story to the advent of a more readily available source of information--our ever so lovely interwebs. 

It was like a library catalogue card system that never ended. And, that I knew very well who was looking, and how my tracks could be hidden (paranoia being ever strong in the guilty mind), made me actually much more bold. I began research anew, and with far more success than I'd ever had before. Information was out there, and with constant re-looking and reassessing, cross referencing, and evaluating, I managed to put together a basic of what hypnosis was and was not. Finding science in the 'mystic' of it all, actually took a lot of the darkness out of the villain character that had been painted in my mind as the face to represent this taboo topic. Being curious by nature, and scientific by nature, I did the only thing someone with those two characteristics can be lead to do.  I began tinkering and teaching myself--obviously for the betterment of my writing...of course...

Now I'll say this...if you put out posts online saying 'New hypnotist teaching themselves' and 'looking for brains to crack open', you'll be surprised the number of people that will respond. You'll also find most of them will try to play coy... But most of them are there for what I now know I myself am interested in. At the time though, it allowed me many different kinds of minds to play with. 

I seemed to have a knack for it.... Either from the seriousness with which I took my personal studies or something else, I seemed to be fairly talented (or very lucky on getting very talented subjects early on), and soon had far too much access to too many heads for a still unadmitting, frustrated mind controller. I won't go into details here...but I will say that when starting out, and with no real guidance...its easy to let power go to your head. I did some things that I'm not proud of in retrospect. But in this, organically, naturally, I found that I was enjoying manipulating someone's waking events without their knowledge. (I found that they also enjoyed it in a very physical way while they were out, but had no knowledge themselves of it once awake again, through no suggestion of my own and were probably in strong denial themselves as I was).

I began Dominating. Later, I found those who were more open and aware of their enjoyment of what I was doing, and I began playing without ever having a name for any of the things I tried--namely (again looking back), puppy training, objectification, teasing and denial, conditioning to associate pleasure and obedience, conditioning to associate hypnosis with pleasure, conditioning to remove memory, to remove thoughts of questioning, and memory manipulation. It wasn't until I think a year and a half into my self exploration that finally a subject began explaining to me about what a Dominatrix was (while on their knees, between puppy barks). Working backwards, I began teaching myself the BDSM side of it all, trying to expand upon my base in hypnosis.... I am and always will be a Hypnodomme at heart...and looking into BDSM, though I've found several things I enjoy greatly, I really don't see how Domination and submission can be TRUE power exchange without hypnosis. It all begins to look and sound like role playing to me....

But then again, I know very well I'm anything BUT normal, and it wouldn't be the first time someone would disagree with me on that. It just means I haven't had enough time alone with them.... *smirk*

This may be an abrupt ending, and there may be further questions at some point...ask away if that's the case, but it's damned Cinco de Mayo, and I'm having some tequila! (To which I promised myself I'd end this post before I started having...to save an embarrassing spelling escapade). I may embellish this later...but this will work for now. My Puppet is waiting for me patiently, and I want to get some fun under my belt before it gets much later....

*smile* I hope this has been funucational...naughtier and probably more interesting posts to come soon. Promise!